


Darce and Loki's Book Affairs

by LittleSixx



Series: Identity Theft [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asgard, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awesome Darcy Lewis, Darcy Feels, Darcy Lewis's iPod, F/M, Identity Issues, Implied Relationships, Implied Stony - Freeform, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Odin's A+ Parenting, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Thor: The Dark World, Stark Tower, sarcasm there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 02:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1288000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSixx/pseuds/LittleSixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to "Beyond the Cage." One year after the close of Thor: The Dark World, Darcy Lewis is more isolated than ever. Suddenly a book (quite literally) lands in her lap as Loki attempts to continue their tentative friendship. Two most diametric people join in a search for individual identity. Loki grows away from Odin as Darcy grows closer to the residents of Stark Tower. Based on "Dash and Lily's Book of Dares," sometimes the search is easier in writing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darce and Loki's Book Affairs

**Author's Note:**

> You should be able to understand this story if you have not read the previous work in the series. However, some of the references may go over your head. (I'm also quite fond of that ficlet, so a little bit of self-promo here.) This is another of my night-write works. Apologies for any typos as I don't edit further than spellcheck. Feedback and criticism is always welcome! Warnings for a brief description of sexual assault and mild language.

Heimdall pursed his lips as the guard approached.

“No illusion can hide your silver tongue, Loki.” The guard smiled wistfully.

“Alas, it cannot. You undoubtedly know the Allfather has fallen again into Odinsleep.” Heimdall nodded.

“It is your illusion on the throne. What I do not know, is whether you keep it there to protect Asgard or preserve the fantasy of your rule.”

“I would argue my rule is no longer fantasy.” An unmistakably Loki smile crossed the guard’s face. “However, it serves both, does it not?”

“Until the Allfather awakens, but I sense you do not fear his rage.”

“I only await Thor’s return.” Loki said. Heimdall, though he never trusted the reluctant Asgardian, sensed a certain truth beneath the devious façade.

“You believe he will return after the death of Jane Foster?” Heimdall asked.

“I know he will.” Loki said. “He always wanted to rule. On Earth he is a god, but they do not look to him as a king. They see him as an alien—a foreigner. He is praised here in Asgard. Beneath that strength of character lies a man desperate for the love of his people.” He said, spitting his disdain.

“He is happy.”

“He’s only been there a year.”

“Jane Foster seems a good companion for him.” Heimdall observed.

“How is the mortal woman?”

“She is well … Very quick to figure out the secrets of the nine realms.”

“Not her.” Loki growled. Heimdall could not suppress a knowing smile.

“Asgard’s other mortal visitor?”

“Yes.”

“Darcy is well.”

“Well … well …” Loki felt a twinge of disappointment, but immediately rebuked himself for having considered any feeling for an Earthling. He should not be disappointed Darcy cared not of his supposed death. Mortal ones were surprisingly quick to recover … Doubtless, a side effect of their shortened life spans.

“I sense you are disillusioned, master Loki.” Heimdall observed. Loki whipped his head around and shouted,

“I harbor no illusions for her!”

“In my many millennia watching over the nine realms, I have found humans incapable of certain things.  However, they have a remarkable ability to make a great deal of change with their given time.”

“I do not wish for anyone to change me!” Loki shouted. “I just want to … I wished only to check upon a friend.”

“If you consider her a friend, Master Loki, I believe you already have.”

“No one asked you.” Loki said, suddenly wishing Heimdall was expendable.

*

_God, I’m bored. He’s cute, but maybe I’ve hopped back in the game too soon._

Darcy reached for her purse as cute-but-really-too-butch dude began kissing her neck. She tried to wriggle off the couch but his grip was firm. Cornered on his couch, Darcy said,

“I’m just gonna go now.” She tried again to get up, but he refused to let go. “Seriously.” She said.

“Come on, Darcy.” Butch dude— _Trent_ —said. “You can’t leave me hanging.”

“Oh, I really can.” Darcy said firmly and tried to heave herself off the couch. She failed. He fisted the hem of her rather short dress and pushed it above her midriff.

“You can’t come over to my place, have dinner, and then leave.” He insisted.

“I’m sorry, is that in the new issue of  _Douchebag Rulebook?_ I’m sure you subscribe.” Darcy said as his— _Trent’s_ —hands found their way to her breasts. She instinctively leaned into his touch.

 _Damn, it’s been a long time._   _Since … wow, since right after Asgard._

Darcy recoiled at the memory of the pity party she’d thrown herself after Thor relayed the news of Loki’s death. Trent’s hands were large, firm, but meaty in a way she did not find attractive. The ones she craved were skin and bone. Elegant fingers which sparked with a literal magic touch.

“I’m asking you to please take your hands off me.”

“Mmnph.” Trent hurrumphed. “Not going to happen.” His hand found its way to her rib cage, then her lower thigh.

_Don’t bite him, Darce. He might like it._

Darcy struggled beneath him. Trent was really, really hard and Darcy knew time was fleeting. She dug her fingernails into the hand on her shoulder. She got no reaction.

_Why is it always the hot ones?_

She tried to kick him, but her legs were pinned beneath his and his hand finally found its mark.

_Oh, God. Please, God, no. Not him. Oh, God, this was dumb, Darce. This was really, really dumb and totally your fault and you’re never going on another date again._

“You’re really wet for me, aren’t you, Darcy?” Trent sing-songed.

“You’re a real fucking Dr. Seuss, aren’t you?” Darcy yelped as one of his fingers found its way inside her. Then another and he … well, he took his time. Taking Darcy’s squeals as encouragement, Trent unzipped his pants and pulled himself out.

Tears filled Darcy’s eyes, but she used her adrenaline to force them back.

_This motherfucker isn’t going to see me shed one goddamn tear._

Suddenly regaining her focus, she spat in his face and Trent briefly removed his hand to wipe his face and Darcy took her chance. She bent both her knees beneath her and kicked at his chest. She used a free hand to punch his face. As he pushed himself into a kneeling position, Darcy repeatedly kicked his nose until she heard the unfortunately familiar crack of bone.

Trent fell off the couch and Darcy grabbed her purse then coat as she ran out the door. Down twelve flights of stairs, Trent may be waiting for her at the bottom if he took the elevator. She didn’t bother looking through the lobby as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket. She hailed a cab as Jane answered her call.

“Darcy?” Jane’s happy voice was all it took before she erupted into a fit of teary hiccups.

“Darcy?” She said, this time concerned.

“I’m coming over.” Darcy said.

“Okay.” Jane said. Darcy was thankful she didn’t ask questions. Twenty minutes later, she was in the lobby of Stark Tower and Jane was waiting. She immediately rushed to hug her.

“It didn’t go well.” Jane said. Darcy shook her head into Jane’s shoulder.

“Okay. Okay. You’ve got a room and everything, I promise.” They rode up the elevator for a suspiciously long time. Or perhaps time slowed for Darcy as the brief encounter at douchebag— _Trent’s—_ house replayed itself over and over and over in her head.

The elevator opened and Thor stood there in a t-shirt and sweatpants.

He was large, like Trent, but Thor was never threatening. Always welcoming, loving, and simply the best man she knew. Right then, he was the male gender’s saving grace. Darcy launched herself into his arms. He held her and Darcy was thankful for something so solid. He ushered her to what would become her room. He opened the door to a bedroom with a bathroom to the left and a study— _a study?—_ in the back.

“I’ve always found it to be a soothing colour.” Thor whispered as Darcy took in the emerald green walls.

_How can he possibly know?_

“Thank you.” Darcy said. “Now get out.”

“Darce—“Jane said.

“Tomorrow.” Darcy said and shut the door.

She angrily stripped off her purple dress, bra, and underwear. Darcy kicked her shoes off and ran to the bathroom to scrub off her makeup. She glanced at herself in the mirror and saw a rather broken version of herself. A deep, shuddery breath and she pulled herself together.

_Not my fault. Never my fault. I’m perfectly fine. Perfectly valid. Perfectly … ah, fuck._

She slammed her hands on the basin and retched wine into the sink as the feeling of his large fingers remained on varying parts of her body. She pulled a ponytail holder from her purse and messily wrapped her hair back. Rummaging through the closet, Darcy concluded Tony stocked it.

_Always prepared for an undressed occupant._

She pulled out a Metallica tour t-shirt and a pair of white boxers before lying on the bed. She nestled herself beneath the covers, reveling in the protective façade they provided. She immediately drifted off to sleep, but woke intermittently in nightmarish fits.

One of them jerked her awake, but it must have been a dream because Loki was atop the covers beside her.

“Oh my God.” She breathed. Loki smiled slightly.

“Your god?” He paused. “As you wish, Lady Darcy.” He whispered.

_Goddamn, that was smooth._

_Pretty sure I’ve had this dream a few times before._

“What are you doing here?” Darcy yawned.

“I’ve, I have … a gift … of sorts.” Loki said. “For you.” Darcy’s eyes widened and she held out her hands.

“Gimme!” She shouted and pushed the blankets down to sit on her knees. Loki continued lounging on the bedside, his head on a pillow. His eyes appreciatively scanned her form.

“Asgardian garments do you no justice, young one.” He commented. Darcy flushed.

“Gimme.” She repeated. Loki handed her a black book. It was a fairly standard 8X10-inch journal.

 _Nothing is standard with him_.

The cover was made of thick material, and the pages were bound with small strips of ribbon. She ran her hands over the edges.

“Parchment?” She whispered, “This is quite pretty.” Darcy’s eyes narrowed. “Alright, mister mischief. You’re always ten steps ahead of me. Explain.”

“I’m not dead.” Loki said. When he didn’t continue, Darcy quipped,

“Silver tongue turn to lead?”

“That phrase has never been funny.” Loki replied.

“What is it?” She pressed, falling to a cross-legged position.

“I promise, Lady Darcy, all is explained within these pages. Please do not feel … pressured. I expect nothing.”

“You know … my dreams are usually less cryptic.” Darcy commented. Loki tilted his head.

“You dream about me?” He asked, more curious than touched.

“Well, of course. What do you think this is?” Darcy asked. “All a figment of my pathetic mortal imagination because I’ve secretly harbored a crush on a man I met once in Asgard. Whom I saw beating the shit out of himself—“

“What?!” Loki shouted.

_Thank God this is a dream, though Tony probably soundproofed the walls._

“Shit. Well, this dream is one of many things I managed to fuck up today.”

“I cannot believe you … you … watched.” Loki said, incredulous.

“You intrigued me. It’s not every day you meet someone literally able to ‘beat themself up over something.’”

“I …”

“You know, I’d think you’d be appreciative I didn’t go grab some guards to watch. Or Thor to break it up. I bore witness to your torment in solidarity, and here you sit—supposedly sit—to impugn my honour.” Darcy sniffed.

“I appreciate your discretion.” Loki said. “I must go, Lady Darcy.”

“Yeah, I’m getting real sleepy. ‘Night Dream!Loki.” Darcy said as her head hit the pillow.

“Sweet dreams, Lady Darcy.” Loki smiled.

*

The next morning Darcy awoke with her arms wrapped around her chest—wrapped around a book.

_What the—what the hell?!_

 

_That was a dream! That was in my dream!_

She threw the book harshly onto the edge of her bed.

_Okay, that was an overreaction._

She picked up the book and sat it on her bedside table. She made her way to the kitchen where Jane, Thor, Hawkeye, and Agent Coulson sat around the table. As Steve doled out pancakes he said,

“Darcy!” Entirely too chipper for such an early hour. “We set a place for you.” She sat at the empty space and smiled.

“You’re too good to me, Steve.”

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Jane asked.

“Jane!” Thor said, slightly alarmed. “You are under no pressure to discuss your personal matters in front of us, Darcy.” He said.

“No, it’s cool. Jane knows I trust you guys, and, I’m feeling a lot better about it.” Darcy said. “I’ve come to the realization men are always attracted to a huge chest and—“ Steve’s hold on the plate faltered. “—and I’m just going to have to be very,  _very_  selective from now on.”

Darcy described the encounter as plainly and painlessly as possible. When she finished, Jane’s hand was over her mouth, Thor had bent his fork, and Hawkeye whispered something into Coulson’s ear while sharpening an arrow. Coulson nodded and Darcy laughed.

“Whatever you two are planning, you have my blessing. He was a dick.” Steve actually dropped the plate of leftover pancakes and it shattered on the floor.

“Please watch the language at breakfast, Darcy.” He said.

“Sorry, Cap.” She shrugged. Steve accepted her apology and quickly attended to the mess.

“Darce, I’m so sorry.” Jane said.

“I’m fine, really. I just … is it alright if I crash here for awhile?” Darcy asked. “I don’t feel at home in my apartment. I hadn’t for awhile I want to be with friends.”

“You know you are always welcome here, Darcy.” Thor added.

“Absolutely.”

“Well, we’ll have to see what Tony says about that.” Darcy quipped.

“Always welcome.” Steve said firmly. “Stark is … he’s put off by everyone at first. You’re allowed here any time, Darcy.”

She smiled and took her pancakes and a can of Dr. Pepper back to her room. She sat on the bed, set her plate to the side and grabbed the black book. She opened it and ran her fingers over the green ribbon binding. As she began to read she nearly spat out her soda.

**Lady Darcy, I must confide in you, the account of my death is false. I am in Asgard … in a manner of speaking. Politics are complicated here, so no one must know I live. However, during our brief time together you intrigued me. Your inability to think before you speak is quite entertaining. Your lips, I must say, are my favourite part of you. Perhaps men are generally more interested in your other qualities, but the letter “m” suits you.**

  **I am confined to Asgard, but wish to maintain our friendship if possible. I have never made friends easily and never had use for one. I’m not sure I have a use for you as most would expect. Rather, my use is of a personal nature. You are decadence among dull creatures. I am nothing short of confused, which is a new state of mind for me. I don’t know if I am permitted, but I miss you.**

  **Mostly, I am curious about one thing. Please answer my question and if you do not wish to continue correspondence, note in your reply. I will oblige your request.**

**The last thing you said to me was, “You are my favourite god.” I only wish to know why. Lady Darcy, I wish you the best in the rest of your fleeting life. Heimdall will take care of the book once you are finished.**

  _He couldn’t get through four paragraphs without an insult._

Darcy smiled.

_He’s being honest._

Her smiled faded.

_He’s alive?! That son of a bitch has been alive this whole goddamn time?_

Darcy stuffed pancakes into her mouth and washed them down with Dr. Pepper. She hopped off the bed and ran to the study. She grabbed a pen from the desk and hopped back atop the covers. The book on one knee, she wrote her reply.

I can’t believe you were alive this year and didn’t reach out to me. You have some shitty timing, you know? I’ve had nothing but bad experiences. Of course I missed you, and it is entirely because you are my favourite demigod.

Asgardian politics, you say? But, you must tell me more about politics in Asgard! I love politics. Moreover, I understand politics! How do Asgardian minds work? Clearly you’re into monarchy. I mean no judgment. (Democracy rules.) But … why? You had millennia of the same ruler! The same guy for thousands of years? You’ll have to forgive my mortal American skepticism.

Anywho, I like you because you’re strange. You keep me on my toes. I’ve got a lot in common with Thor. We both love Jane, we both have a very happy disposition, etc. We’re moral people, in a way. You? You are nothing like us. You’ve never had someone approve of you over Thor, but think of it from my “puny mortal” perspective: you’re fascinating. I’m not like you, which is why you intrigue me and vice-versa. I’m just a political science student from America and you’re a fucking god of Asgard. You’re never going to change. Not for me, not for anybody, and I would never ask you to. I’m going to keep trying to understand you, even if you only talk to me via book. It’s kind of sexy, though …

Enough of the compliments. I forgive you for letting me think you’d died, but only because you think of me as your friend. I’m happy to be your friend, and I will try to use the letter “m” more often. When you compliment me, it’s like I’m reduced to a babbling teenager, but Jane would say I’m like that anyway.

_Quit while you’re ahead, Darce_.

I’m not even sure this is real. I think I’m still dreaming. But you’re more than welcome to invade my dreams any time.

-Lady Darcy

She walked to her study and sat the book on the desk. She looked around the room, unsure what to do.

“Heimdall?” She asked. “I, um, I don’t really know how this works. Could you just … ZAP! it up there for me? I’m done so … you know, I’ll just leave it here for you.” She said.

*

It was days before Loki could get to Darcy’s response. Keeping up the façade of Odin was all-consuming. He took great pains to act as the Allfather would, convinced that was the only way to get into Odin’s good graces if he woke. Frigga was Loki’s saving grace upon his return to Asgard, but she was no longer there to protect him. Thor was on Earth and all of Asgard believed Loki dead. He shoved the thoughts from his head as he made a midnight trip to Heimdall, disguised again as a guard.

“How is she?”Heimdall said nothing.

“How is she?!” Loki repeated impatiently.

“She wonders.”

“You are useless.” Loki hissed.

“It is not my duty to share Lady Darcy’s thoughts.” He peered down at the small, yet unmistakably Loki form. “Though, she has written them to you.”

“She wrote?” Loki asked, mildly surprised.

“I have never seen two such diametric people bond so quickly.” Heimdall commented.

“That is … that is quite remarkable.” Loki admitted. “Wait, wait, no … No.” He said firmly. “We are not … we are not bonding. This is a friendship which will last a mere heartbeat.” Heimdall merely stared down at him knowingly. Loki scowled and removed the illusion.

“You do not have the authority to judge me!” He shouted. “I am king!” He said before conjuring the book. He stormed to Odin’s chambers and sat next to his bed.

“Father.” Loki said, bemused. “I suppose you’re not going to wake up soon?” He asked. When Odin did not respond, he continued. “Thought not.” Loki shrugged and said, “I am doing your bidding. Running  **your**  kingdom as  **you**  would. For once, I truly do not know what I want to do.” He admitted. “What am I supposed to do?” He wondered aloud.

“As always, I was supposed to die. It would have been easier for everyone … you, mother, Thor, all of Asgard and Midgard if I had died when I was a baby. Easier for all if I had died when I fell from the rainbow bridge. Again if I had died when you all believe I had.” Loki sighed and left his father’s chambers for his own.

He was pleasantly surprised to find Darcy missed him as well.

_I am interesting? Preferable to Thor because … because I’m interesting?_

Loki supposed he should be insulted. The mortal found him interesting.

_How long will that hold out?_

He reread her response and smiled slightly at her lack of forethought. Darcy’s ramblings were unique in their perpetual optimism and amount of drabble. He quickly wrote a response.

 _Not because I’m anxious to know her thoughts. I have royal business to attend to._  

 **Lady Darcy, you are most kind. “Interesting” is not a word generally applied to me. Generally the adjectives are “evil,” “manipulative” or “dead.” I reminisced the times I should have died. For some reason I keep living—mostly, I believe, out of spite. Not that anyone could blame me, as I was wronged my entire life by those who should have been my family. For centuries they fed me propaganda about frost giants. In my eyes they were monsters of a horrid sort. Truly a subspecies. Then, it was revealed I am one of them.**  

 **Not a biological Asgardian. Quite the opposite, I should have died as a baby. I was prince of the frost giants. I was prince of the monsters, prince of the hideous. I tried so hard to reject that part of me. I thought if I wiped out that race, I would be more a novelty than a monster. After that failure, I tried to prove myself a ruler better than Thor by overtaking your Earth. Now I am here, once again, trying to prove my worth as an Asgardian.**  

 **There are forgivable and unforgivable actions. I never forgave any of my parents and will never feel wholly akin to either of my fathers. Now, however, I realize my deceptions cost the life of the person I loved more than any. While prone to mischief, I am now more attentive to potential consequences of my actions.**  

**You find me interesting, which confounds me. I do not even know who I am in relation to my family. Yet you were kinder to me here than anyone, regardless of your preconceived notions. I perceive kindness as weakness, but you recognized my attempt to exploit your position. You did not mock, and you saw more of me than anyone ever has. I expect you have not told anyone about that voyeuristic moment of yours.**

**At Asgard’s dawn, a ruler was chosen to lead. Democratically or divinely, it matters little. Since then, generations pass, but they always look to the leader. When he dies, a new king—his child, is always ready to take his place. It is to ensure one’s legacy: putting the person they influence above all others upon the throne.**

**It’s a monarchy of the people’s making. Asgardians love the royal family. (Myself exempted.) Looking to a leader is easy as they shoulder all responsibility. A burden no one in Asgard would put on me, yet here I am, bearing it like a good son. When a king presides in times of prosperity, men will fight and die out of loyalty. Head of the nine realms, Asgard is always prosperous. I suppose you would label it the “human condition?” It’s not a human phenomenon.**  

**If I may reciprocate your interest, why was my timing so poor?**

**Best, Lady Darcy.**

Loki leaned his head on the headboard and magicked the book back to Darcy.

_Honesty is a strange policy._

*

The book disappeared right before dinner. Darcy was not convinced she hadn’t dreamed the whole thing. Thor had brought clothes from her apartment to the tower. Darcy walked to dinner in skinny jeans, a navy t-shirt, and dark socks. She threw a hoodie over her head as she entered the dining room. Steve insisted everyone have dinner together at least once a week. Jane confirmed lately Tuesdays were best as everyone was in for movie night.

Halfway through Steve’s admittedly delicious marinated chicken, a small black book appeared atop Tony’s plate. Everyone around the table stopped talking. Darcy’s eyes widened. She leapt across the table for it, snatching it along with much of Tony’s food. She hugged it to her chest and felt everyone’s eyes on her. Natasha spoke first.

“You know what that is?”

“Yes.” Darcy said.

“Which is … ?” Tony asked, clearly upset about having lost his helping of Steve’s cooking.

“None of your goddamn business.” Darcy nearly shouted.

“Darcy?” Jane asked, concerned. “That book was magicked here. What is going on?” Internally, Darcy began to panic.

“More importantly, who is powerful enough to magic things inside my tower?” Tony said, annoyed. If it’s Strange again—“

“I, uh … magic? There’s no magic.” She stumbled. “I mean, yes, magic … but … I’m an adult and there are certain things in my life that are absolutely top-secret. Even from the king of top-secret, Mr. Level Seven.” She said, glaring at Coulson. “He’s not the only one faking deaths around here.” She muttered.

“What’s that?” Coulson asked.

_God, the guy misses nothing._

“Nothing. Nothing.” She said. Natasha glared at her suspiciously throughout the meal. As everyone moved toward the living room, Darcy whisked off to her room. Before she could open the door, Natasha appeared at her side.

“Oh my God!” Darcy yelped. “Do you ever make noise?”

“You’ve been to Asgard.” She said. Darcy nodded.

“Yes. Yes I have.”

“That book was magicked here.”

“Technically, it was.”

“You’re a relatively smart woman, Darcy.” She warned. “I like you. But if you put any of our team in danger, I will come after you.”

“I have no doubt.” Darcy said as Natasha leaned very close to her—their cheeks nearly touching.

“I bite.” She warned.

_Black Widow through-and-through._

Natasha walked gracefully down the hall and Darcy nearly flung herself into her room. Sitting at her study she rapidly penned her response.

The last experience isn’t one I’d like to talk about.

_No shit, Darce. But he was open enough with you … How much could it hurt to let him in?_  

 _A lot._  

_It could hurt a lot._

You seem to compare yourself to a lot of fascinating people. The most revered people in your world, yeah? I can relate. I’ve been with Jane for, oh, four years now? I’ve known Thor for three. I’ve known the Avengers for a year. These are the most impressive people in my world. I’m just … Darcy. Political science isn’t much use around here. I’m not much use around here; my specialty seems to be comedic relief.

Interesting take on the “non-specific-to-humans-condition.” Asgardians see monarchy as a sort of symbiotic relationship, then? Fascinating. Reaping the benefits of a prosperous king and returning the favour with loyalty. I always took you as a sort of Machiavellian ruler. (Haven’t ruled that out yet, by the way.) A lot of our American founders believed political participation was key in making any form of effective government. Maybe Asgard’s figured it out.

Regarding last week … Suffice it to say, I’ve got certain attributes men find attractive. I attract the wrong type of men. Honestly, they’re all the wrong type. A few nights ago, one of them got real handsy. Asgard seems home to a lot of strong women. Knowing Thor as I do, I expect men on Asgard are also more respectful of our gender. Not here. Here women are basically thought of as tools for male pleasure. It doesn’t matter I have a university degree in political science nor that I’ve been to another realm of demigods and witnessed an alien battle. To most men I’m just a chick with a great rack.

It made me feel so devalued. Like I really am just an accessory. His hands all over and inside me … he didn’t see it as a violation. He saw it as repayment for dinner. God, I am so stupid sometimes. I really am. I’m looking for a place in this world as much as you are in Asgard. Jane’s got Thor, and they’ve both got science, and she’s really happy. I feel like I’m intruding on the unbelievable thing the Avengers have going here. But at the same time, I have nowhere else to go.

Kindred spirits, eh?

_Honesty hour with the God of Mischief? What could go wrong?_

Darcy closed the book and put it on her study desk. She looked at her ceiling and said,

“Heimdall? Is this getting weird for you?” It’s getting kinda weird for me.” She picked up the book and considered her words. She considered whether her truthfulness would get her in trouble.

_It probably will._

She threw it down on the desk and said,

“Beam it up, Scotty.” Before walking to the living room.  _Toy Story_  had just begun. The seating arrangement was no shock. Natasha sat on a couch arm with one leg between Barton’s. Thor and Jane sat on a love seat while Steve and Tony occupied the rest of the couch. Darcy sighed and plopped into a chair next to Coulson.

The next day, the book was still on the desk in her study. Jane left for “science” and Darcy spent most of the day discussing World War II history with Steve.

*

Loki snuck to Heimdall in the guard’s form.

“She is well, Loki.” Heimdall said, somewhere between amused and bored.

“Mind your tone.” Loki quipped. He turned on his heel. Back in his chambers, in his form, he summoned the book and read.

_How would anyone dare assault such a rare creature? Mortal men and their obsession with brute force._

Loki scoffed, outraged.

_Gods, why? Darcy is not … She may be a Midgardian, but … Why?! Why is it always I am never in the right place at the necessary time?_

Loki slammed the book on his bed and angrily strode back to Heimdall, not bothering to change form.

“I need to see Thor.” He demanded, fists trembling with rage. Heimdall nodded. The bifrost activated and Loki said, “No one else can see me.” Another nod before Loki was whisked into Stark Tower. He landed in what he assumed was Thor’s bedroom. Gilded in red and gold, the alarmingly bright space immediately put him off. He turned and saw Thor staring at him in shock.

“You—“

“Brother!” Thor shouted. “I thought you dead!” He said, crossing the space in three strides. Wrapping his arms around Loki, he muttered, “You died in front of me! How? How?!” Loki pushed himself from Thor’s arms.

“You! You … You!” He shouted.

“Yes … me.” Thor said, suddenly concerned. “Why have you come?”

“You claim to love that mortal and cannot even protect her closest friend?” Loki said, rage evident in his tone and stature. Thor’s eyes narrowed.

“Of what do you speak?”

“Darcy!” Loki shouted, running fingers through his hair. Incapable of lowering his voice, he continued. “Darcy said someone … someone … violated her. Used her as … as a … an outlet for his deplorable sexual deviancy!”

“How do you know of Darcy’s troubles?” Thor asked, the shock of Loki’s return gone.

“We correspond.”

“The book.” Thor said, piecing events together.

“Yes, wait … how do you know of the book?”

“No matter how I know of it, why are you contacting Darcy? How do you know Darcy?” Thor worried.

“Never mind how I know her!” Loki yelled, literally shaking with rage. “After father fell into Odinsleep—“

“What? Father is in—“

“I took over rule in his absence. I trusted you to keep her safe. Is that not what you do? You protect the mortals. Why do you have such a difficult time protecting them from each other? Especially one as remarkable as this Darcy woman?”

“Darcy is Jane’s friend, but she was not living with us when this Trent man attacked her. She visited, but she … she did not do very well after her return from Asgard. She was very sad. She would not tell us what upset her, but she reacted very poorly.”

“Wait … she was sad?” Loki asked, his disposition momentarily changing to one of curiosity.

“What of it?”

“Lady Darcy and I formed a friendship whilst I was in my cell. It seems I am always in the improper place to protect those I love. I always cause them pain, never bring them pleasure …” Loki trailed off and Thor looked at him, confused.

“Loki …” He started laughing. “Are you in love with Darcy?” Loki stiffened.

“Absolutely not! I care about the mortal. Am I not allowed?”

“Once you meant to rule them as inferior, and now you look upon this one as a companion? You find her remarkable.”

“She is.”

“No. Loki.” Thor said, suddenly melancholy. “You are to stay away from Darcy. She is Jane’s friend, and mine. Hawkeye took care of this man—“

“Exactly what I need. Agent Barton doing my bidding. Did the spider help as well? It was a team effort?” Loki spat.

“We operate as a team, Loki.” Thor said firmly. “Darcy is family to Jane, therefore family to myself, and is welcome in this fortress at any time.”

“Ah, family!” Loki’s pained smile returned. “Well, if she is your family, I suppose that automatically precludes me from any relationship with her.”

“It damn well should.” Thor’s voice rose. “I do not pretend to know your plans for Darcy Lewis, but they cannot be beneficial to her.”

“Of course not!” Sparks flew from Loki’s fingertips. “I am never beneficial to anyone! Yet, I cannot seem to die!”

“Loki, I did not mean—“

“Am I not?!” Loki shouted. “I trusted myself to make the right decision. Not coming to Darcy earlier was a mistake. Directing the beast from the prison was a mistake. Those I care for are always hurt by my mistakes!”

“Loki, this is not your fault. It has never been your fault!” Thor shouted. “Listen to me, brother!” Loki’s eyes shot up. For once, he wanted to be the little brother. Loki let his reserve down and the sparks on his fingers petered out. His form visibly relaxed, a pained expression on his face.

“What do I do?”

“Loki?” A voice said. He turned to see Darcy standing in the doorway with Agent Barton behind her.

“Son of a bitch!” The hawk shouted, undoubtedly trying to pull out an arrow.

“Darcy—“ He said, cut off by the bifrost. He landed in Asgard unable to look at Heimdall. He changed into the guard and held a hand aloft.

“Say nothing.” He said as he walked away.

*

Darcy, Clint, and Tony were in an intense battle of Dominoes when they heard shouting from Thor’s room. They were unconcerned until another voice joined in.

“What the hell?” Clint asked.

“You’re trying to distract me.” Tony said.

“Fuck off.” He replied.

“We should go check on him.” Darcy said. “Tony, I’ll notice if you move any around.” She said as Barton followed her down the hallway. She opened the door and immediately closed it. Clint tensed as she opened the door a second time to reveal Thor and Loki.

“Loki?” Darcy asked, shocked.

_Why is he here? Why is he talking to Thor? Why … why?_

“Son of a bitch!” Clint shouted, but Loki disappeared as Heimdall undoubtedly retrieved him.

“Darcy—“ Loki had said.

_Those I care for are always hurt by my mistakes._

_Not coming to Darcy earlier was a mistake._

She turned and saw Clint had an arrow ready to shoot through someone’s eye.

“Put it down, Clint.”

“Is he coming back?” Barton asked.

“I doubt it.” Darcy said. He loosened his grip on the arrow. “Where did you pull that from, anyway? Tony’s ass?”

“Whatever’s in there, it’s not an arrow. You should ask Cap.” Clint snickered. “I’ve never seen two people more opposite come together so quickly.”

“Yeah …” Darcy said awkwardly.

“Then be so oblivious to it.”

“Barton, I request Darcy’s presence. Alone.” Thor interrupted.

“Sure, boss.” Clint said. “I’m heading down to the range. If Loki comes back …” He trailed off and pulled a retractable bow from inside his sock.

“Careful how you speak.” Thor said. “He is my brother.”

“As you say, big guy.” Barton said, and Darcy closed the door behind him. Thor looked at her quizzically.

“I never would have guessed.” He smiled.

“What?” Darcy said, expectantly. “What did he say?”

“It matters to you?” Thor asked.

“Of course it matters!” Darcy shouted. “We’re friends. We … we … we understand each other.”

“Darcy, please sit.” Thor said, motioning to his bed. She obliged.

“What’s up?”

“My brother is a trickster.” Darcy nodded. “Also very self-interested.” Another nod. “The latter only balances the former when he bonds with someone. The only person he truly loved was our mother.”

“He loved her a lot.” Darcy agreed.

“We all did.” Thor said solemnly. “I just want to assure you are prepared for whatever comes your way.”

“Of course. I mean, I didn’t even know he could come here. We just … kind of Jane Austen-ed our way through things.”

“I do not understand.”

“We just write. We met in Asgard and I kind of liked him. That’s all. It’s a friendly thing.”

“You laugh at the Man of Iron and his confusion with Steven. From my perspective, you and Loki share the same problem.”

“Um, no.” Darcy laughed. “Steve and Tony are … well, they’re completely head-over-heels for each other. Your brother and I are talking about … ourselves.” She finished lamely.

“Do you mean to tell me you harbor no feelings for Loki?”

“I—“

“Do not lie to me, Darcy. Playing with Loki is playing with fire. If you care for him, I must encourage you to pursue it. But, I must warn you … He seems to be at a crossroad now. Identity has eluded Loki his entire life. If he finds it with you …”

“… It’s gone in forty years.” Darcy finished.

_Ask him. It’s been bothering you. He knows now. Ask him._

“Do you think he’d risk it for me?”

“I do not know.” Thor smiled. “Perhaps you should ask him.”

“Well … he has our book.”

“Then he shall respond at the appropriate time.”

“What are you going to tell everyone?”

“Regarding?”

“Why Loki was here.”

“I am unsure why he was here.”  Thor admitted. Darcy sighed.

“Ain’t that the truth.”

*

Asgard’s throne sat vacant for two days. Not long enough to rouse suspicion as Loki curled up in a chair at Odin’s side.

“My whole life has been an attempt to prove myself a true Odinson.” He admitted. “I wanted to be Thor’s equal—be your son. That goal has vanished. I always believed the chaotic good was my good. Now, I find myself for the first time, without a plan and without a goal. I have reservations about my rule here. Without mother, there is no one to guide me or motivate me.

“You manufactured an identity for me. One which would never suit as it was subservient to Thor. I was always in his shadow, and all of Asgard looked at me as such. Thor’s lesser, younger brother. It appears I have more in common with Thor than you thought possible. Jane, the mortal whom you so despised, brought a friend here. Lady Darcy, in fact, empathizes with the perpetual feeling of inadequacy you embedded within me.

“I am on Asgard’s throne in some capacity, and I foresee no true satisfaction in the position. Satisfaction is not in my nature, but I perpetually search for something able to release me from this endless inadequacy. I waited a year to perhaps prove myself wrong. I coveted the throne for so long, but it only held value when unattainable. Darcy is a distraction I crave.” Loki looked up, suddenly more determined.

“Oh …” He finished the thought and leapt from Odin’s side to his own room.

_Gods, this is stupid._

He wrote his reply to Darcy, for once not taking care with his words.

**Lady Darcy, I apologize for not speaking to you while in Midgard. It was a mistake. As I told Thor, when it comes to those closest to me I am prone to oversight. I find it difficult to admit at first I was quite put off by you. You fell so easily for my trick and clearly cared for Jane. You were a potential tool, nothing more.**

**You left a lasting impression because you listened and you understood. I am not easily figured out, and for a mortal to understand my actions so quickly was astounding. I was insulted. I ruled Asgard for a year as Odin, trying to find an identity on the throne. Rule is not suited for me. I am a strategist, not a problem-solver. The battlefield and politics are my strong suits. Thor is a warrior and I was meant to be his right hand. Odin groomed me for that position. He wanted me second to Thor.**

**Identity is formed only in relation to others. Mine was always in relation to Thor. I needed to be more like him, so I rejected my Jotun side. I was Loki of Asgard. After the realization I am biologically Jotun and of Asgardian prejudices, I had to renounce one. After failing, I tried to take Thor’s prized realm: Midgard. Another failure landed me back in Asgard to wallow in disgrace. Rejecting Odin’s plan for me, in his eyes, meant I was to fulfill my birth right and die.**

**I am ill-suited for all my remaining options on Asgard. After you mentioned the assault, I realized I should have contacted you earlier. Anything to prevent your anguish should have been done. I truly do not know what to do. I did as Odin would have done. I sent Lady Sif to retrieve the sorceress from Midgard. I presided over peace.**

**A wondrous thought occurred to me. You feel as much outside your people as I do mine. I would be honoured to try to figure myself out with you. Friendship is new to me, so I do not know what to do. That is why I went to see Thor. I only ever lived in his shadow, and for once, I wanted to be the little brother. I requested his advice, which shocked both of us.**

**Truly, Lady Darcy, I do not anticipate anything from you. I feel … I feel some kinship for you. Kindred spirits, I believe, was your chosen phrase. To any friend of Thor, that statement must be simultaneously insulting and frightening. I cannot understand any regard you may have for me. From your perspective I have done nothing but harm—to your friends and myself. I hold you in the highest esteem among a race of—I shall refrain from insulting your species.**

**I am unaware how you feel toward me. Thor provided information which skewed my prior assumptions. A decadent mortal and the outcast demigod … look at us both. Where do we stand, Lady Darcy?**

*

Darcy found Barton in the range, alone. Clint seemed surprised to see her.

“Hey, Darcy.” He looked at her then hit a bulls-eye.

“Can I talk to you?” Darcy asked, nervously shifting her beanie. She crossed her arms and he put down his bow.

“Shoot.” He said. Darcy chuckled.

“Good one.”

“Diffuses the tension.” Clint shrugged.

“It’s kind of an awkward thing. I don’t want you to be insulted or anything. You’re the only person I know who could possibly understand …”

“You’re making it awkward, Darcy.”

“I know, I know.” She sighed. “I’ve been having a rough couple weeks.”

“Was Loki returning weird for you?”

“No!” She said too quickly. “Why would it be?”

“You two met in Asgard.”

“How would you know that?” Darcy asked.

“Give me a little credit, Darcy. He said your name before he was pulled back.”

“Oh. Right. Well … I’m a bit out of my league here. I mean, I always had to deal with Jane being the ‘smart one.’ I had no problem with it. Science is completely foreign to me, and she taught me things. I could never teach Jane about politics because, well, she doesn’t get people. People are not quantifiable variables, Thor least of all. Somehow she’s making that work.

“Anyway! I just … now I’m here with you guys and I feel so ordinary!” She shouted. “Fucking ordinary!”

“And—“

“I’ve witnessed alien battles and befriended demigods and assisted in preventing the nine realms from ascending into chaos, but goddamn if the Avengers don’t call that an average Thursday.” Darcy shouted. If Clint noticed the plurality he didn’t mention it.

“Darcy.” Clint said sincerely. She looked at him, stunned by his demeanor. Barton dripped sarcasm; he threw more puns than punches. “I am the only person here not technologically enhanced. Or a god.” He amended. “I get it. I get the inferiority. If you don’t think I’m terrified of missing every time I take a shot … Well, you’re right because I cannot entertain that possibility. Being an Avenger doesn’t come easily. There are some people who argue I’m just a tool. I’m expendable.

“But you know what, Darcy? I recognize I’m here. I’m valuable. If they didn’t want me, I wouldn’t be here. They wouldn’t have accepted me as family like they have. You can’t expect to be as fearsome as Tasha or as righteous as Cap.”

“You have a valuable skill set.” Darcy countered. “I’m just … Darcy.”

“Pardon me, Darcy, but you hardly seem the type to hide behind your boobs and a political science degree. You’re perceptive.” Clint offered. “You’re funny, too.” Darcy smiled a bit.

“I suppose.”

“I stopped practice to talk to you, so you’ve gotta be worth something.” Clint joked.

“You mean it, though?” Darcy says. “You get over it?”

“Never.” Barton shook his head. “It motivates you.”

“Ah …” Darcy said as the black book appeared at her feet. “Godfuckingdamnit!” She yelled. “He has the worst timing. Everyone will be back for dinner soon.” She said. Darcy picked up the book and threw a sincere, “Thank you, Clint.” Over her shoulder.

She read his reply in the elevator.

_He really doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know. Well, I guess I haven’t really told him._

_Friends. He wants to be a friend. How do I make him see I actually care about him … He’s an idiot, so I’ve got to spell it out. I’ve got to send myself to him._

_That’s exactly what I’ll do._

The elevator doors opened and Darcy went straight to her study. She opened the book, took her iPhone from her pocket and placed it inside. She scribbled, “Learn me.” Then closed it.

“Alright, big guy in the sky.” She said to her ceiling. “I don’t know if it’s you, Heimdall, conjuring the book, but I bet it’s Loki. Tell the bastard it’s ready and he’s not to respond until he figures me out.”

The book disappeared minutes later and Darcy found Steve in the kitchen with Tony attempting to make a salad.

*

Heimdall summoned him quickly after he sent the reply. Concerned, Loki traveled (in form) to Heimdall’s post.

“What is it?”

“She is ready.”

“What did she say?”

“I am not a messenger, Loki.”

“No, then you would actually be of use.” Loki said, conjuring the book. It landed in his hands, but something fell from its pages and landed harshly on the floor. He picked it up and examined the object. Lady Darcy had written only two words. “Learn me.”

_Learn her? Learn her what? Her motivations? Her aspirations?_

Rectangular, with a single button, Loki could deduce no further. Holding it in one hand, he hovered the other over the device and whispered,

“Reveal.”                                                                                                  

Immediately, pictures of Darcy around the time of the New Mexico debacle appeared in the air before him. The magic projected important information into the air like a slideshow. Darcy with Jane, Darcy with Selvig, and Darcy with what Loki assumed were friends. Not that Loki knew of it, but the song “She Blinded Me with Science!” accompanied the myriad of pictures. Darcy looked happy. She obviously enjoyed Jane, and some of the images suggested she played a large role in up keeping Jane’s optimism when Thor did not visit her.

_Lady Darcy is most comforting._

The timeline continued with the song until after her visit to Asgard.

The song switched then, to “The Ghost of You.” The images flashing by hovered for longer moments as there were fewer. Lady Darcy obviously did not take these photos. Nor would she have wanted them taken. Her face was ashen in some, and in others she was curled up on a couch with bottles of alcohol. Darcy was anguished and lacked her general sense of hope. She wore lots of eye makeup, which Loki determined was to hide swelling or redness.

_She had been crying?_

The theme continued to the end, but Loki could not understand.

“I am missing something.” Loki muttered. “What am I missing?!” Heimdall sighed heavily. Loki ignored him. He sat the device on the ground. It ran through her contact list: Barton, Coulson— _he should be dead!—_ Ian, Jane, Selvig, Stark, and other harmless names.

_Nothing of note._

Frustrated, Loki hovered both hands atop the device and commanded,

“Reveal your importance.”

“Kryptonite” filled the hall. Loki cast a sound barrier to the edges of the domed room as video feed of New York played. The image changed to pictures of only Lady Darcy as she smiled.

_“I really don’t mind what happens now and then … As long as you’ll be my friend at the end.”_

The feed switched to video footage of the second alien attack on Midgard.

_“If I go crazy then would you still call me superman?”_

Then the images from before in which Lady Darcy appeared heartbroken.

_“You called me strong, you called me weak, but still your secrets I will keep.”_

“I do not understand.” Loki muttered. “What could have broken her heart after the Aether was removed from Jane?” Another sigh from Heimdall and Loki angrily shouted, “Nothing happened of import!” Loki said angrily. “The Aether left and I died. As always.”

“Darcy is capable of great love, Loki. She mourned for you.” Heimdall explained.

“Why?!” Loki asked. “Thor could not tell me. Why would she mourn? I have done nothing but harm to her and her people. How could she degrade herself enough to love me?!” Loki screamed. “No one loves me!” Heimdall did not flinch. “She saw me at my lowest and does not reject my attempts at friendship. But I am missing something. What am I missing?” He turned away, confused.

“She believes you her best option.” Heimdall said, clearly skeptical of Lady Darcy’s determination.

“Why?” Loki asked. “Why should she? Because I interest her? Curiosity is the bait.”

“Is this love, Master Loki?” Heimdall pressed. Loki snapped around to look at him. Rather than anger, it was shock on his face.

“Is it possible?” He asked. He held up a hand to silence Heimdall.

_“Welcome to invade my dreams at any time”_

_“Kindred spirits”_

Loki looked at Heimdall and said,

“Send me to her. Now.” Loki demanded.

“Now?” Heimdall asked.

“Immediately.” He replied. Heimdall reluctantly activated the bifrost and Loki was sent, again, to Midgard.

*****

“Barton, I’ve got some new arrows for you to test.” Stark said. “Retractable and much easier to conceal—“

“You should spend less time in the lab, Tony.” Steve said as he placed a bowl of salad on the table beside the pasta and bread. As each loaded their plate, they discussed the day’s mundane activities, each wondering where Natasha wandered off to and determining it best not to ask.

“The Scarlet Witch tried to infiltrate the Tower again.” Cap said. Tony groaned.

“Strange has to write down the enchantments on this building there are so many. Can’t have one of them fucking up another.”

“Language—“Cap began as a figure materialized a few feet from the kitchen. Loki stood, surveying the scene. He immediately raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

Hawkeye reached for the bow he kept on the bottom of his chair. Banner ran quickly out the opposite exit. Jane blanched. Stark summoned an arm from one of his most recent iron man models as Cap stood at the head of the table.

Darcy glanced at everyone and rolled her eyes.

“Just when I think your timing can’t get any shittier.” She muttered.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a paper for a university course last semester which focused on Loki's search for identity after battling internalized racism. The easiest thing for him to do, in my mind, is reject everything he knows. His version: Darcy. I wrote this as a late-night character study. Plans for a third and final installment are in the works. Keeping up with Loki's use of language is extremely difficult and I kind of slipped off there at the end.
> 
> This is also homage to "Dash and Lily's Book of Dares" because I read it in like ninety minutes and thought it was the cutest thing. Lots of subtext to potentially be explored here, and I'm mildly excited.


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